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“Everyone Says Trust Yourself... But What If You Don't?”
- Jun 14
- 7 min read
Dear Ms. Shannon,
People keep telling me to trust myself. The problem is, every time I've trusted myself in the past, I've made mistakes.
Now I second-guess everything or I overthink every decision because I'm terrified of choosing wrong again.
How do you trust yourself when you've spent years doubting your own judgment?
~ Drowning in Doubt
A Note from Ms. Shannon
Wow! First, let me say that I had to read this letter a few times. Believe it or not, I had this same dilemma a while ago.
You think you are doing the "right" thing and trusting yourself or your intuition, only to end up asking, "How did I end up here?"
The first thing I would say is to stop categorizing decisions as the "wrong" choices and instead see everything as part of the learning curve.
I often ask people, "What is one thing you would go back in time and change if you could?"
This usually rekindles a memory of something they regret.
I then get them to realize that instead of regretting these things, we can start to see them as some of our greatest lessons. The growth we have done and the person we are today would recognize the red flags enough not to make the same mistake or stick around and endure it as long as we had in the past.
That is growth.
How can you reframe your regrets as lessons?
Sometimes we don't distrust ourselves because we made a bad decision.
Sometimes we distrust ourselves because we ignored what we knew all along.
There is a difference.
One is a lack of wisdom.
The other is a lack of self-honoring.
Be honest with yourself about which one it was.
Because if you knew better and did it anyway, forgive yourself.
And if you truly didn't know better at the time, forgive yourself for that too.
Either way, carrying the guilt years later is not helping you make better decisions today.
We can also look at it this way: think of the last time you stubbed your toe on the couch, for example.
You wouldn't avoid going that way again. Instead, you would probably become more aware when you are walking or do something differently. Hell, you may even move the couch and revamp the living room if your pinky toe gets another bruise!
No matter what changes, the value is in the wisdom gained and the growth that follows.
Everything we gather along our journey, the pain, the fun, the knowledge, it all seems random or pointless at first, but at some point along the way, we begin to see why it was necessary.
Perhaps, you were supposed to make those choices.
Where have they led you?
What can you hope for now?
How to Trust Yourself Again
Something that came to me as I am writing this is that when you start to second-guess yourself, remember the things you can't explain away:
The synchronicities.
The chance encounters.
The opportunities that appeared at exactly the right time.
The moments when life made absolutely no sense until you looked back and saw the bigger picture.
You have evidence that you are supported. Don't ignore it now.
You are on a Hero's Journey and have been divinely guided the entire way.
You can't believe you are being divinely guided and led astray at the same time.
It's hard to say that we are who we say we are when we don't truly believe it.
How can we be such magical and powerful manifesters and powerless at the same time?
Granted, could we have made better decisions? Yes.
But do we also know better now? Yes!
Here are a few things that come to mind when it comes to helping rebuild self-trust:
Get to know yourself and your intuition again. Spend time with yourself. Learn what your intuition feels like versus fear, anxiety, or outside influence.
Remember your affirmations. The stories you tell yourself matter. Speak to yourself in ways that support your growth rather than reinforce your doubt.
Cleanse your energy. Whether that's reiki, sage/clearing rituals, meditation, journaling, or simply taking a walk outside, clear away what isn't yours.
Release expectations and control of outcomes. Trusting yourself doesn't mean guaranteeing a specific result. It means trusting yourself to handle whatever happens.
Start small. Trust isn't rebuilt through life-changing decisions. It's rebuilt through tiny promises you keep to yourself every day.
Keep a Proof Journal. Write down intuitive nudges, synchronicities, and moments when things worked out better than expected. When doubt creeps in, you'll have evidence that you've been guided before.
Stop asking everyone else what they think. Sometimes we confuse gathering wisdom with seeking permission. There comes a point when you already know the answer and are simply hoping someone else will take responsibility for it.
The Missing Piece: Self-Forgiveness
But let's go a little deeper here...
I don't actually think your problem is trust.
This leads us to the deeper lesson.
Self-Forgiveness.
The real reason you may have a hard time trusting your judgment now based on decisions you made in the past is because you haven't truly forgiven yourself for making those decisions in the first place.
Until you do, every time something doesn't go as planned or you make a mistake, your mind goes back to all the other things you think you did wrong.
Then, after collecting all of those moments together, you create a story about yourself:
Maybe you're a failure.
Maybe you're a bad friend.
Maybe you're a terrible parent.
Maybe you're someone who can't do anything right.
As you internalize that story, your external reality begins to catch up, and you start noticing more evidence that supports it.
Everything goes on autopilot.
The fact that you regret the decision is evidence that you have already grown beyond the version of yourself who made it.
Let that sit right there.
The old version of you would probably make the same choice because they didn't know what you know now. You are looking back through the lens of wisdom you didn't have at the time.
That isn't failure.
That's growth.
Self-Forgiveness: 2 words. 4 syllables. A whole lot of damn work!
There are a lot of resources and journals that can help you begin a self-forgiveness journey. These tips may also help:
Speak to yourself as you would a friend.
Would you speak to a loved one the way you speak to yourself on your hardest days?
Separate who you are from what you did.
A poor decision does not make you a poor person.
Write the apology letter.
Write a letter to your past self. Acknowledge what happened, what you learned, and offer yourself the compassion you needed at the time.
Find gratitude.
Even the hardest experiences leave behind wisdom, strength, clarity, or direction.
Release the need to punish yourself.
If you've learned the lesson, continuing to suffer does not make you more worthy.
Celebrate evidence of your growth.
Notice the boundaries, awareness, and wisdom you have now that you didn't have then.
Give yourself permission to begin again.
Every day is an opportunity to choose differently.
The goal isn't to pretend it never happened.
The goal is to stop carrying it everywhere you go.
Closing Insight
I was feeling a bit of a feminine vibe here with discussion of intuition and divine guidance, so I felt called to pull an oracle card from the Feminine Wisdom Oracle deck.
The card that came out was: #11 Devotion: Sacred Worship
Intuitive Message:
What immediately came to me was self-devotion.
The image on this card is giving self-love as sacred worship.
We are not perfect, but we are also not "only human."
We will make mistakes and possibly even be thrown off our path. But when we trust that we are also divine beings, supported by the elements as acknowledged by the moon, stars, and flowers on the card, we begin to remember that we can flourish even in the darkness.
Do you see how she has her eyes closed and is wrapped in flowers?
See that those choices did not end you. Instead, they made you more powerful, more aware, more attractive to healthier experiences, and more respectful of yourself. Even when we don't know why or how we ended up where we did, we can trust that there is a way out.
Follow the moon - a symbolize for our emotions, intuition, and what is hidden beneath the surface. Let these feelings guide you. Trust the unknown and have patience with the outcomes.
The number 11 is also standing out to me as a number of insight and leadership.
I get a sense that you (and those this message resonates with) may be in a time of great change. This may be the largest transformation you have had to face so far. You might be afraid and questioning whether you are even capable.
"Who do you think you are?" is what you think people will wonder...
But this imposter syndrome will only lead to a lot of choices you might want to take back.
You are now in the leadership phase of your journey. The initiation phase is over.
This is all coming up now for you to process because you will need to trust yourself and your divine team a lot on this timeline...
You can do this.
Message from the Guidebook:
DEVOTION: Sharing love and loyalty through sacred worship
"Your heart is loyal. You are committed and you love unconditionally. Perfect timing for such beautiful and honorable virtues to be celebrated. Put your hand over your heart and recognize the divine wisdom within you. Everything falls into place easily as you work towards your dreams."
Affirmation: I choose love.
Final Reflection
I will take this opportunity to reiterate the messages from the Oracle:
Recognize the divine wisdom within you and choose love.
Self-love.
Self-trust.
Self-forgiveness.
Self-devotion.
Not believing in yourself is not honoring yourself.
Recognizing your growth is.
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