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What I wish I knew before meditating...
- Mar 8, 2021
- 7 min read
Updated: Jan 24
“Oh meditation—how reputably necessary you are to human wellbeing—why you gotta be so hard?!”
Yes, that was me when I first decided to experiment with mindful and spiritual meditation. The terms were introduced to me as I was considering ways to release anger, anxiety, and stress. By this time, I was also learning how to work with energy/healing crystals and searching for the right yoga program to pursue.
As you can see, I was striving to learn (and be good at) many things at once. I would practice and try, sometimes I’d succeed with little to no effort while other times I was forced to learn patience and cope with seemingly persistent failures. As a recovering perfectionist, it was rough!
Meditation, when beginning to practice consciously, can seem ‘impossible’ to master! I say when doing it consciously because we can be in a meditative state doing everyday activities without explicit regard to its mental, physical, and spiritual benefits:
Think about the many times you have been in a trance—watching a captivating movie, reading an exciting book you can’t put down, getting lost in your favorite music playlist, daydreaming, etc. - like meditation, these activities can help you reduce stress levels, refocus your thoughts, and ultimately, help you tune into the moment. However, unlike meditation, they don’t take much practice and effort to engage in (unless, of course, you got stuck watching a terrible film 😊).
When I was a true beginner - Disclosure: I am NOT writing this as an advanced practitioner (more like…intermediate) but I’ve sure come a long way! But before I became an 'Advanced Beginner' - I obviously had a lot of complaints. Again, as a recovering perfectionist, I expected everything to go a certain way. My controlling shadow, Stubborn Shelly, would say things like, “How am I supposed to quiet my thoughts if I have to constantly think about being quiet?”
So, what happened? Well, I gave it up! At a time when I was looking to reduce stress, attempting to meditate was way too stressful. The irony, I know! It wasn’t until after I had stopped that I realized what worked and what didn’t work, also the difference that even those first-tries made!
That’s right! My inner teacher had been trying to teach me patience - patience with myself and with the process.
I became aware that part of the journey is learning to release and surrender, so by trying to control everything from implementation to expected outcomes, I was unconsciously creating a block to the practice, as well as my guides.
As I let go of expectations and continued to open up to the many meditation activities, I eventually found what worked for me. I should mention that there are different forms of meditation (click on them to learn more):
Loving-Kindness Meditation -- and yes, there are more!
I didn’t have a personal guru or meditation coach - just Google, YouTube, and persistent thoughts. I stopped my meditation practice because it wasn’t like anything I had heard or read. After worrying myself so hard to try and ‘get it right’, I understood that the way I was going about things wasn’t natural.
On your path, one of the most important things to remember is that everything is not for everybody; especially as it relates to how to meditate. So, for those of you struggling to meditate, those who gave up on it, or are thinking about it, here are some tips from an Advanced Beginner, and things I wish I knew beforehand:
1. Know your reason for meditating
Is it a fear of missing out?
A recommendation from a friend or doctor?
Do you feel it’s necessary for your spiritual growth?
Mental and physical health benefits?
No matter what the reason may be, knowing why can help you stay dedicated and consistent with your practice. Wanting to give up easily can be a sign that the reason(s) for wanting to meditate are not solid.
2. Find your type
You know that you want to begin meditating and why but perhaps not which may work for you. I’ve mentioned various types of meditation (but surely not all) so do some research and experimentation! I alternate between about 4-5 forms, depending on the mood and the present ‘why’.
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” ~ Thomas Edison
3. Have patience!
Based on my own story, I probably don’t have to elaborate much on this. But, just like you, even though I already knew, we could always use a friendly reminder. Sometimes it can seem like a long battle to conquer, so keep the faith in the face of resistance.
4. Let go of your expectations
When we are first introduced to something new, it can be rather exciting: “Ooohh, this” and “This is going to be amazing” or “I’m about to…”. Slow your roll! As a beginner, it may or may not be what you assume it to be. Just expect to learn something new and whatever happens, give yourself kudos for jumping in!
5. Start with guided meditations
I can’t tell you how many times I found myself sitting cross-legged in silence, just…thinking…usually about what else I could be doing. At that time, I didn’t know that it was a test. I’d even open one eye like, “Is anything happening?” or “Am I done?” - all kinds of things; I was terrible!
If you are anything like me, then to prevent yourself from drowning in the “Am I doing this right” thoughts, I’d recommend using guided audio meditations. There are countless free and paid apps, programs, videos, etc. One of my favorite personal apps to us is Synctuition.
6. Have fun with it
Try these or other things to spice up your meditation practice once and a while:
*Incorporate binaural beats and frequencies
*Don’t limit movement meditation to yoga - free yourself to some jazz, moving with the music and your breath.
*Try using mudras (hand gestures): Be sure to research both the benefits and risks. It may also help to keep a journal or log for future reference and to make note of the ones you most enjoyed.
7. Create a sanctuary or meditation space
More than likely, your floorplan did not include a sacred space, but is there anywhere in or around your home where you feel the most comfortable? This is absolutely not a requirement, hell, I meditate anywhere, but being in a designated space has helped me to focus and center. For example, I knew that upon entering that room/area I intended to disconnect from the 3D world and connect with my guides, clear my mind, or whatever the intention was—free from all outside influences and distractions.
But of course, if your environment does not support this, then continue to my next Advanced-Beginner tip:
8. Work with your distractions!
My distraction-free era was pre-Coronavirus. Now I have a full house and sometimes even the toilet room isn’t safe! I’ve even tried to find solace in my closet, but unfortunately there’s no lock and my husband would pick the right time to need a hoodie, or something. If this is you, know that these are all tests of your commitment (even the itch you get on your leg when you finally get settled).
*Try setting a schedule and discussing your intentions with others in your home. A little communication can go a long way. Explain what you are doing and the importance of limiting distractions.
*Try to get your kids and/or partner involved. There are breathing, yoga, and meditation cards for kids and family. My children love it—now they do it on their own and we also have family meditation dates.
*There can be no distractions if you are not distracted—perspective shift. Instead of viewing the background noise as a burden, see it as a chance to enhance your focus skills. This is when focused meditation techniques come in handy. See how good you are at tuning things out. For my parents reading this, think about the times you’ve heard that it’s beneficial to have your newborn sleeping around noise so that they can be used to it and not bothered by it as they grow…apply it to your meditation!
9. Thoughts will flow whether you want them to or not
When first starting, the idea is to quiet the mind and soon, this may prove difficult to manage. Don’t worry about it! Thoughts will come up and it is not your job to stop them. Let them come, observe them, and then release them. Repeat as necessary! Here is my formula:
*When I notice the thoughts, I begin to focus on counting breaths or usually repeat a mantra, sound, or word like, ‘Silence’ or ‘Om’.
*Thoughts may continue to slip through—What am I cooking for dinner? — I may not catch them immediately but when I do become aware, I release them.
I simply acknowledge, ignore, and continue to chant silently in my head or sit in silence until I’m in theta mode!
Works for me but find what works for you!
10. White light is not required!
Just thought I’d throw that in there 😊 If you get it, great, but if not, don’t sweat it! Visualization meditation is something that you can work your way up to if it doesn’t come naturally. Consider it as a milestone marker!
One thing is for sure, no matter which technique you use or how long it takes for you to feel comfortable with, meditation provides unlimited advantages for the willing and open participant.
Don’t chastise yourself if you don’t feel like you’ve got it down; show yourself some love for learning something and choosing to stick to it. For this, you will benefit immensely in the long run and be able to help others in your shoes!
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